


The Crossover Conundrum

by torigates



Category: Bones (TV), The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-11
Packaged: 2018-01-01 03:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1040042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torigates/pseuds/torigates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sheldon's a guest lecturer at the Jeffersonian. Naturally the gang tags along. Things go badly for Leonard from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Crossover Conundrum

 

 

 

  


Sheldon stepped off the train, stretched and looked around. “That was a thoroughly enjoyable train ride,” he said.

Leonard stumbled out behind him, awkwardly clutching at his luggage. He glared in Sheldon’s direction. “I can’t believe you convinced me to do this with you,” he said. “ _Again_.”

He readjusted his bag which was slipping down his shoulder and moved out of the way so the other passengers could exit the train. Penny stepped out behind him. “Was it that bad last time?” she asked.

“Worse,” Howard said. He and Raj had caught up with them. They both looked as exhausted and annoyed as Leonard felt. Still, Leonard couldn’t help but notice Walowitz standing much closer to Penny than was strictly appropriate.

Raj nodded in agreement.

“At least this time we didn’t make complete fools of ourselves in front of a celebrity,” Howard continued. They began to make their way through the train station. Sheldon was moving purposefully ahead of them, not bothering to check that they were following.

“That’s true,” Leonard agreed.

“Excuse me,” Sheldon interjected, whirling around. Leonard stopped suddenly to avoid tripping over him. Howard crashed into him from behind. “But I don’t remember actually inviting any of you to come with me,” he finished.

“Aw, come on, Sheldon,” Penny said and put her hand on his arm. Sheldon glanced down and Penny quickly removed it. “We’re going to have fun,” she said managing to recover quickly.

Leonard, Howard and Raj all turned to stare at her. “Starting now,” she continued. “I mean it’s Washington DC. You didn’t really expect us to pass up the opportunity, did you, Sheldon?”

“I don’t see what this trip could possibly offer to you,” Sheldon informed them all matter-of-factly and began making his way through the station briskly.

They all scrambled to keep up with him. “It’s our nation’s capital,” Penny said.

“I don’t see how stating a fact is an answer to my question,” Sheldon said.

“It’s the _Jeffersonian Institute_ ,” Leonard said. “Why wouldn’t we want to come along? That place is legendary.”

Sheldon seemed to consider this. Raj leaned over and whispered in Howard’s ear. “I have _not_ struck out with all the girls in the Pasadena area,” he said offended. “But,” he continued, sleazy smile in place, “The amount of tourists here alone have to be good for our odds.”

“Howard, _you’re_ a tourist,” Penny told him disgusted.

“Yes, but they don’t know that, now do they?” he asked her.

“You’re disgusting,” Penny told him.

They stopped abruptly at the front of the station. Sheldon looked around. “Do none of you care about the real purpose of this trip?” he asked distracted.

They all shook their heads. “Sheldon, your—whatever it is, is just the convenient excuse for a road trip,” Howard told him.

Raj nodded vigorously.

“My ‘whatever’ as you so eloquently put it,” Sheldon said doing a poor imitation of what Leonard could only assume was meant to be air quotes, “Is a guest lecturer position at the Jeffersonian. A place you yourself just referred to as legendary, Leonard. You all should show it some respect.”

“I’m just here for the shopping,” Penny piped up.

Leonard smiled at her as Sheldon turned around in a huff. They all followed him.

Behind him, Leonard heard Howard snort at whatever Raj had just told him. “You’re right,” Walowitz said. “Total drama queen.”

Sheldon paused mid step, before continuing as if he hadn’t heard.

 

 

 

Penny yawned. “How did you convince me to do this?” she asked Leonard the next morning.

“Come on,” he said, glancing around the auditorium. It was surprisingly full. “It’ll be fun.”

She looked at him. “Okay, _this_ part won’t be fun, but we’ll do the museum after,” he said. “You’ll like that.”

She continued to look at him. Either that or she had fallen asleep, Leonard wasn’t sure. “The museum is supposed to be amazing,” he told her.

“If you say so,” Penny said with another yawn and settled into her seat. “Wake me up when it’s over.”

“Try not to snore too loudly,” Leonard said.

Penny smacked him.

“Oh good,” Howard deadpanned as he and Raj slid into the seats next to them. “We didn’t miss any.”  
Raj snorted. Even Penny smiled.

“Come on you guys,” Leonard pleaded. “We’re Sheldon’s friends, we should support him. Besides, it’s not going to be that bad. And then we can explore the rest of the museum.”

The other three stared at him. “We’re Sheldon’s friends,” he repeated. They looked about as convinced as Leonard felt. “It’s not going to be that bad.”

 

 

 

“Okay,” Leonard agreed three hours later as they made their way out of the auditorium. “It was that bad.”

“I’ve lost the will to live,” Howard said.

“I thought you guys were into this kind of thing,” Penny said. There was a little bit of drool on her shoulder.

“Let me explain something to you, Penny,” Howard said. “Think of the most exciting thing in the world—which mind you, theoretical physics is not. Now think of Sheldon talking about that thing for _three hours_. That man could make _porn_ boring.”

Leonard winced. “He’s not wrong,” he said when Penny looked at him.

“Point taken,” she said. “Though, I could have lived my entire life happily without ever hearing Sheldon and porn in the same sentence.”

“Let’s find Sheldon,” Leonard said.

“Do we have to?” Howard asked.

“We can still enjoy the rest of the museum,” Leonard said.

“But you know he’s going to want to talk about his speech for another three hours, and I just won’t be held responsible for my actions if that’s the case.”

Leonard glared at him. “Just help me find him.”

They looked through the crowd, but Sheldon didn’t appear. “Where could he have gone?” Penny asked.

“Who cares?” Howard asked. “Just be thankful we don’t have to deal with him.”

Leonard groaned. He really needed new friends. “He couldn’t have gone far,” he said. “We’ll just have to look for him.”

“Excuse me,” Howard interrupted. “But we just gave up three hours of our lives to that man. Do you really expect me to spend a second more looking for him?”

“He must be around here somewhere,” Penny said.

Leonard smiled gratefully at her. “We’ll just find him, and then we can enjoy the rest of the museum.” Leonard was sure that if repeated it enough times it would be true.

Howard groaned. “It _never_ works out that way when Sheldon’s involved. Let’s just cut our losses now and maybe we can still have a nice day. He’s a grown man, he doesn’t need a babysitter.”

Penny, Leonard and Raj all turned to stare at him. “Fine,” he said drawing out the word for several seconds. “He needs a babysitter. Can we please just make this quick?”

 

 

 

“How did we get lost?” Leonard asked thirty minutes later. They had been wandering around the seemingly endless hallways and there was still no sign of Sheldon. The place was _huge_.

“Don’t ask me,” Penny said. “I was following Howard.”

“What?” Walowitz said. “I was following Raj.”

They all turned to look at Raj. He shrugged.

“Sweetie, are you ever going to be able to talk around me without the influence of alcohol?” she asked.

Raj looked uncomfortable.

“Consider it a compliment,” Howard said. “It means he finds you attractive.”

Penny patted Raj’s arm.

“Can we please just go?” Howard asked. “We’re obviously not going to find Sheldon, and I for one don’t want to let him ruin my entire trip.”

Penny winced. “I hate to say it, but I agree with Howard. We’re obviously not going to find him. He can make his own way back to the hotel, can’t he?” she asked Leonard.

Leonard sighed. He didn’t know why he put up with this stuff from Sheldon. “Just five more minutes,” he said. “If we don’t find him then...” he trailed off.

“Thank you!” Howard said. “All right, let’s go this way.” He pointed towards some large stainless steel doors.

Leonard walked through the doors and abruptly stopped in his tracks. He was standing in the largest, state of the art, most beautiful lab Leonard had ever seen.

“What?” Penny asked behind him. “Leonard, do you see Sheldon?” He didn’t answer. “Leonard?”

“Oh my god,” Howard said punctuating each word. “Praise Jesus.”

Penny turned to face him. “Howard, you’re Jewish.”

“I would gladly convert for a chance to work here,” he said.

Raj nodded in agreement.

“What’s the big deal?” Penny asked.

“What’s the big deal?” Howard echoed. “Penny, Penny, Penny,” Howard said shaking his head. “This is only the most prestigious, high tech, world famous lab in the country, _in the world_ —I bet they’ve even heard of this place where Koothrappali comes from.”

Raj glared from him, and then reluctantly nodded.

Penny stared at him, her hands on her hips. “I know I shouldn’t be surprised you guys, but I always am.”

Leonard ignored her and looked around the lab. He saw Raj and Howard doing the same thing. Penny, on the other hand, wasn’t as enthralled. There were various people working at different stations. Leonard could only imagine what it would be like to work there, to get to use some of the technology that they had. Working at Caltech was amazing, but this place made it look like a poor community college.

“Hey,” Penny said after a minute. “Isn’t that Sheldon?”

Leonard turned to look, and saw Sheldon talking with a tall woman with auburn hair. “Who’s that he’s talking to?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Howard said turning to look. “But she is hot.”

Penny rolled her eyes.

“Bones!” a voice behind them made them all jump and whirl around.

Leonard saw Penny straighten at the sight of a tall, broad shouldered man rounding the corner. “Bones,” he shouted again. “Are you here?”

“Sheldon and the hot lady are coming towards us!” Howard whispered excitedly.

Leonard glanced over his shoulder and saw that Sheldon and his companion were indeed coming towards them. They seemed to be having an animated discussion.

“Bonjour,” Howard said when they were close enough. “Howard Walowitz, pleased to make your acquaintance.” He held out his hand.

Penny rolled her eyes. The woman stared at it, before turning towards the man. “Booth,” she said with a smile.

“Hey, Bones,” he paused and looked around. “What’s with the posse?” he asked.

The woman shook her head. “I don’t know what that means,” she said.

The man—Booth—shook his head. “More squints?” he asked making eye contact with Leonard.

“How do you know?” she asked.

He chuckled. “I can always tell,” he turned towards Penny. “Except you,” he said smiling. Leonard kind of hated him. A lot. “You’re definitely not a squint.”

Penny smiled. “I think that’s a compliment.”

Booth grinned wider. Leonard hated him just like he hated any man that Penny showed any interest in. “Oh, definitely. Special Agent Seeley Booth,” he said and held out his hand. That was just great. Tall, handsome and an FBI agent. Leonard didn’t understand why the world hated him.

“Penny,” Penny said taking his hand.

“This is my partner Dr. Temperance Brennan,” he gestured towards the tall woman. “And, I have no idea who you are,” Booth said to Sheldon.

“Dr. Sheldon Cooper,” Penny interjected and paused. “Wait,” she said. “Dr. Brennan the bestselling author?” she asked.

“I knew it!” Booth said tossing his keys in the air and catching them. “More squints. I can smell you guys a mile away.”

“Excuse me, but I have excellent personal hygiene,” Sheldon interrupted.

Booth ignored him. Penny patted his arm. “Oh, Sweetie,” she said.

“To answer your earlier question,” Dr. Brennan said, “I am indeed a bestselling author.”

“Oh my god!” Penny squealed. “I love your books!” she turned to Booth. “Are you supposed to be Agent Ryan?” she asked.

The corner of Booth’s mouth turned up in a slow grin. “Yes,” he said at the same time as Dr. Brennan said “No!”

Booth turned to face her. “Aw, come on, Bones,” he paused again. “Wait a minute, who are you people?” he asked.

“Well,” Penny piped up. “I’m Penny,” Booth grinned at her. “And this is Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali, and Howard Walowitz,” she said gesturing towards each of the men in turn.

“That’s fascinating,” Booth said. “But what are you doing here. Bones, I thought this place was supposed to be high on the security?”

“That is true,” Brennan said hesitantly. “I’m not sure who they are or how they got here. I attended Dr. Cooper’s lecture this morning and afterwards I engaged him in a conversation about his paper.” Booth gave her a look. “I had some spare time,” she said and shrugged her shoulders.

All of them turned to stare at her. “You attended that lecture... _for fun_?” Walowitz asked.

“I found Dr. Cooper’s findings very interesting,” she said and turned towards Booth. Behind her, Leonard could see a smug look on Sheldon’s face. He’d never hear the end of that. “Zack asked me to attend if I had the time,” Dr. Brennan continued. “He enjoys Dr. Coopers’ work.”

Booth nodded and turned back towards Leonard. “I still don’t understand what you’re doing here,” he said.

Leonard hesitated, wondering who Zack was, and just how rude he could be to an FBI agent without getting arrested. “We got lost,” Penny informed him before Leonard could answer. She stepped closer to Booth. Leonard saw an annoyed look flash across Dr. Brennan’s face. “We were looking for Sheldon,” she continued. “We lost track of him after his lecture.”

“You might want to tell Cam to step up security,” Booth said. “You don’t want just anyone wandering in here,” he said. “Not that I’m complaining,” he said with a grin towards Penny.

Penny laughed and tucked her hair behind her ears. Leonard saw Dr. Brennan glare again. “You really shouldn’t be here,” she said. “None of you should. The lab is restricted to employees only.” Raj looked slightly terrified, Howard was sporting what Leonard knew he considered to be his ‘sexy’ face and Sheldon just looked bored. Leonard wondered why these situations always happened to him.

“You work here?” Penny asked Booth.

“Not exactly,” he said. “Bones here helps me solve crimes.”

Penny looked impressed. “More like the other way around,” Dr. Brennan grumbled.

“We’re partners,” Booth amended.

“Oh!” Penny exclaimed. “Like in the books!”

“No!” Booth and Brennan objected simultaneously. “We just work together,” Booth clarified.

“Lucky for me,” Howard said and slid closer to Dr. Brennan. Leonard couldn’t help but admire his guts. Dr. Brennan was drop dead gorgeous and a few solid inches taller than him. Not to mention a bestselling author that solved crimes for the FBI. Howard definitely had guts.

Dr. Brennan looked down at him. “I don’t see how that has anything to do with you,” she said.

Booth snorted. “Don’t mind her, Howie,” he said and clapped Howard on the back. “Bones can be a little bit of a PhD snob.” Howard looked extremely uncomfortable. Leonard couldn’t blame him. Booth reminded him of every bully he had ever dealt with in high school... and after. Unconsciously he stepped back and held onto his belt buckle, like Booth might pants him at any moment.

“I am not!” she protested.

Booth snorted again. “Right,” he said. “I’m sure _Mr._ Nigel-Murray would agree.”

Brennan didn’t reply. Leonard looked back and forth between the two of them. There was clearly a lot of history there. They talked to each other like no one else was around.

“Perhaps we should be going,” Sheldon cut in. Raj nodded energetically.

“So soon?” Penny asked.

Leonard stifled a groan. Penny was always picking up interests around good-looking guys. He thought she had got her brief interest in science out of her system. Though Booth didn’t exactly seem like the science type.

“What’s the deal with this guy?” Booth asked gesturing towards Raj. “Does he not speaking English or something?”

“He can speak English,” Leonard muttered.

“He has difficulty speaking in front of beautiful women such as yourself,” Howard said to Dr. Brennan, clearly not giving up hope.

“I hate psychology,” Brennan said.

Booth’s cell phone chirped. “Booth,” he said into it.

They all stared at him for several minutes as he listened and took notes on a small pad of paper. “I would _love_ to stay and chat,” Booth said with a smirk to Penny, “But we have a case, Bones! Grab your stuff and let’s vamoose!”

“I enjoyed speaking with you, Dr. Cooper,” Brennan said over her shoulder, as Booth ushered her out of the lab, his hand at the small of her back.

“Of course you did,” Sheldon said, and smiled his creepy smug smile.

“Where do you meet these guys?” Leonard heard Booth ask her. “You always pick up the crazy ones.”

Their voices trailed off as they left the lab. Raj waved.

“Dude,” Howard said turning towards Leonard. “She was _totally_ into me.”

The sound of heels clicking against the floor at a brisk pace approached them. Leonard turned to see a tall woman with a no-nonsense expression and dark hair pulled back into a tight ponytail coming towards them. Her red lips were pinched in a straight line.

Howard perked up. “We’re leaving,” Leonard called to her. “Right now,” he hissed at the others, and they followed him out of the lab.

 

 

Sheldon smiled and stretched as he stepped off the train. “I don’t know about the rest of you,” he said. “But that was a very productive and enjoyable trip," he said.

Leonard groaned. “I am _never_ travelling with you again,” he said, making his way towards the parking lot and not bothering to wait for to see if everyone was following him. He just wanted to get home.

Behind him, Howard snorted at something Raj said. “I don’t know what his problem is,” Howard agreed. “I thought it was a fun trip.”

“Me too,” Penny said. Howard could tell she was smiling. “Sheldon got to do his fancy lecture thing, we met a famous author, not to mention Agent Booth...” she trailed off. “Plus the shopping! Lighten up, Leonard.”

Leonard kind of hated everyone. A lot.


End file.
